The shit blog of Paul Chris Jones

Dear Diary. Today I'm helping a woman cheat on an exam.

She's failed this exam three times. The last time she failed, she put tape over the camera so her online proctor couldn't see her cheat. Didn't work, she still failed.

"My doctor gave me medical note to give them," she says. "They made me cover the camera because of my anxiety."

This time she has asked her friend to invigilate her. "She's great, she won't watch me lol."

She's paying me 200 dollars, which is 120 pounds.

3:30 pm

I'm at the computer, ready to start.

It turns out I have the time zone wrong. We're not starting for another two hours.

5:30 pm

I'm at the computer again, ready to start.

She has trouble logging in.

6:07 pm

We start.

6:49 pm

Almost an hour has passed and we've only answered done twenty questions. We still have 180 questions left to answer. We'll never make it to the end.

My neck is killing me. I keep stretching my head from side to side. My back's starting to hurt.

I can't imagine sitting here until 10 pm tonight. I'll miss dinner with my kids. I won't get to put my kids to bed.

I consider just closing the lid of my laptop and walking away. It would be so easy. Just walk away and go make a sandwich and play with my kids. I don't even care about the money. She can keep the money.

But I can't walk away, god dammit. I have to finish this. I made her a promise and I'm a man of my word.

7:07 pm

I'm getting into it now. I send her the answers quickly. I don't look at what question number we're on. It's like climbing a mountain. You never look down.

Oh Christ I just looked at what question number we're on and it's only number 38. Out of 200.

Sometimes there are long pauses between when I send her the answer. Minutes go by where I wonder what's she's doing. Fucking hell, if could just reach into her computer and take total control of her mouse, I'd have this exam done in no time.

Maybe she's answering questions by herself? Maybe she's giving me questions 1 to 100 and she's answering questions 101 to 200. That would be the smart thing to do.

But no. She's just slow.

7:34 pm

I've found a way to get the answers quickly. I give them to ChatGPT and ChatGPT gives me the answer. It's brilliant. It's really good. I get the answer, no fuss.

I don't know if the answers are correct but oh well.

But how long will ChatGPT hold out for? Maybe it'll give me a "too many requests, try again later" message and refuse to answer any more questions.

5-year-old comes into the room. He wants me to read him a comic. I can't, I'm busy. My heart goes out to him.

7:50 pm

Girlfriend and 5-year-old are eating dinner. I'm getting hungry.

My right shoulder hurts.

The questions seem to be getting easier at least. I can answer some straight away, off the top of my head. I don't even need to feed them into ChatGPT. So this is saving me time. I'm getting a rhythm going.

But we're coming up to the two-hour mark though and we're only on question 75. We only have an hour left.

It's getting dark outside.

8:10 pm

Just over two hours have passed. We're on question number 103. Triple figures. We're halfway there.

My bum is starting to ache from sitting down for so long.

9:10 pm

One hour left. It's nighttime. My mind is clear and calm. I'm in a kind of trance. I've forgotten about hunger. That's a lie; actually, I'm quite hungry.

Oh Christ, I can't do another hour. Yes I can, I tell myself. You can do this.

Then something unexpected happens. She writes:

ok

awesome

thank you so much

What? Is that it? Is the exam over?

Yes, we've finished. I thought there were 200 questions on the exam but there are only 154. A wave of relief washes over me.

Girlfriend cooked me dinner. I eat it.

I feel proud. I wanted to quit but I didn't give in. I feel like I've achieved something today. Even if it's helping a woman cheat on her exam.

I have no idea if she even passed or not.

Edit: She passed.